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Jewels Diva – Agony Aunt Advice Columnist: Issue: Top Gear!

14/04/2009 by L.J. Diva Filed Under: L.J. Diva: Agony Aunt Advice Columnist Leave a Comment

Jewels here, your Agony Aunt Advice Columnist.

I have a letter from a young woman who has an addiction. She’s into Top Gear. Not for the cars ……… but for the boys!!!!!

Her letter:

Dear Jewels,

I have a serious problem. I absolutely love the show Top Gear. I’m not a revhead, and I don’t have a boyfriend. But I’m not into the cars …. I only watch it for the guys who host it. I have a hugely massive crush on them. What can I do.

Anon.

Answer:

Dear Anon,

I know how you feel. I drive a car but am not a revhead myself. I watch the show but don’t care much for the cars. I watch because it’s freakin hilarious to see what the boys get up to, and what they do to each other. There has been many a night I’ve sat and pissed myself laughing over what they’ve done. There is nothing wrong with having a massive crush. Just as long as they don’t know about it, and you definitely don’t go telling anyone else about it, you should be fine. And just as long as it’s not Jeremy Clarkson or James May, you should be even better!

You’re a freak … but then aren’t we all?

And if you feel the need to get off when watching it, Ewwwwww, don’t tell anyone about that either!!!!!!!!

I, Jewels Diva, will admit here and now … that I do have a crush on Richard Hammond!

But don’t go telling anyone I said that cause I will deny everything!!!!!

 

 

 

Larry Emdur & David Reyne should co-host their own show and call it ”The Big Spunk Rats Show”. Oh, and a few other things.

15/03/2009 by L.J. Diva Filed Under: Celebrities, Movies & TV Leave a Comment

Well, well, well, it would appear that Sunrise dumb-arse co-host David Koch, Kochy, or as I call him, David Kock, is back to his old tricks. That’s if he even stopped. For the last few weeks, he’s seemed to be reasonable with his smarmy smart-arse comments towards the girls, and everyone else for that matter. Unless I didn’t notice because I was watching the Today Show.

However, this last week, he’s been at it again. Being a general pain in the arse, especially the day he thought he could joke around with people’s names. First he called Rebecca Romijn – (pronounced Romaine, like the lettuce), rom-ij-in, and generally pissed around with her name making a complete dick of himself. Then not half an hour later, after a story about Michael Bublè, he started calling him Michael Bubble. Now we now it ain’t bubble, and so does the dickhead they let co-host, but he just thought he’d be funny.

And of course at the food and wine festival, he made some snide remark to someone to leave the wine for Mel.

Channel Seven, it’s high time that you sacked the dumb arsehole called David. He’s snide, smarmy, pathetic, stupid, and a whole host of other things. GET RID OF HIM!!!!!!!

Speaking of channel seven people. The Morning how co-host, Kylie Gillies, has stopped insulting poor, poor, poor Larry Emdur. A new friend of mine contacted The Morning Show and told Larry he should get rid of the insulting sarcastic cow that sat beside him, and team up with 9am’s David Reyne, to form their own show, ”The Big Spunk Rats Show.”

 

She also emailed 9am, and told David the same thing, to get rid of Kim, and team up with Laz for their own show. I’d definitely watch.

It would seem that the day after the email, Kylie miraculously stopped insulting Larry, and hasn’t since. Unless we’ve missed something, but I don’t think we have. A week or so ago, she did tell Larry through very gritted teeth that, ”I’m not allowed to correct you.” However, my friend said nothing of the nature, and so apparently she’s not the only one who’s complained about Kylie’s tone towards Larry. She’s been rude, sarcastic, insulting, critical, and a whole load of other things since the show started. Even day one of this year, she started in on Larry, and my friend finally had enough, so she emailed. And hence, no more rude comments to poor, poor, poor Laz.

Hip hooray for Laz, and for my friend.

 

The Battle of the TV Morning Shows

03/02/2009 by L.J. Diva Filed Under: Movies & TV Leave a Comment

It started last week when 9am with David and Kim came back, now this week, they’re also contending with Kerri-anne Kennerly and The Morning Show with Larry and Kylie.

Now as you all know by now, I absolutely love David Reyne and Larry Emdur, and can’t stand Kylie bloody Gillies. Kim Watkins doesn’t fare much better.

As of the first ep of The Morning Show yesterday, Kylie had to get her digs in at Larry. She just couldn’t wait. Oh no, she couldn’t wait. Obviously her anger and hatred of Larry has been festering like a revoltingly yellow pussy sore for the last six or so weeks of her time off. It’s like she didn’t stop. I wonder how her husband copes with her hateful nature. If only channel 7 had gotten rid of her, I’d have been happy.

Hell, I’d be happy if Larry and David did a morning show together. ”The Big Spunk Rats Show” Yep. I’ll definitely be watching that!!!!!!

Get rid of David Kock, Kylie Gillies and Kim Watkins, and just keep Mel, Nat, David and Larry.

Then there’s the Sunday morning shows. Channel 7 started it with Weekend Sunrise, now channel 9’s followed it with Today on Sunday. Andrew O’Keefe is bad enough but now Cameron on 9 as well. Like we don’t get enough of him during the week.

Definitely keep Samantha Armytage though, she’s gorgeous. And I don’t say that lightly, cause as you also know by now, I don’t like blonds. But Samantha acts very maturely, and seems so sweet and nice. God knows how she puts up with Andrew, maybe off screen she doesn’t?????

Just give me Richard Reid anyday!!!!!! He’s sooooo much better than that fat gay prat Perez Hilton!!!!

Well, it looks like there’s another year of flicking between the networks, first from 6-9, then from 9-11, I just hope that channel 10 doesn’t come up with a 6-9 morning show. Cause channel 7 is coming with a Sunday night show to battle channel 9’s 60 Minutes.

So while I know that this plea will fall on deaf ears, to the networks, please, please, just stop!!!!

Well, speaking of networks, my baby’s show, NCIS is on tonight, so while Michael and I snuggle up together and watch the show, I hope ya’ll will watch too.

p.s – see, isn’t he cute!!!

 

 

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